Truth was....

The truth was, I didn't want to relax, I didn't want to settle down. And I sure as hell didn't want to be sober. I wanted to feel free and with you, as I once did, seemingly not long ago. When I would catch you trying to sneak looks and possibly fantasy. I missed the rush of feeling accepted amongst so many others, I was finally this character I had always mindfully practised to be.
      I wanted sex in public places because we were so high with emotion and lust. No words, just sounds, gasps and cries. Cries that let you know that I wasn't just another harlotte. That this was real, despite such a decision so quickly in meeting. And despite coy and innocent behaviour,  you didn't hold nearly as much control as you thought.

You opened me to crave certain addictions, ones that still so strongly linger and prod. You've settled down, and I love you, but I am still so restless .